a 3 Skittle marriage

About a week ago, Husband brought home a bag of Skittles from work. Husband is a chronic snacker, and accumulates a lot of snacks at work. He has been known to walk to a nearby Wal-Mart to stock up on munchies to stockpile in his desk. So, I was actually surprised that he only brought home a regular sized bag of Skittles, but he let me know that he left the family size bag at work.

SO, after dinner, Husband whips out the Skittles, which naturally prompted a request from me.

"Can I have some?"

"No."

"What?!"

"You don't just want 'some.' If I give you a few, you'll want the rest of the bag."

"Not true! [Yeah, that's probably true.] I asked for 'some' and that is what I meant."

"That is not what you meant."

"So I really can't have any?"

"No."

Not surprisingly, I got all pouty and began analyzing what this lack of sharing means to our relationship. I mean, really? No Skittles? Well, if we don't share Skittles, I can think of a few other things maybe we won't share, either, mister! NO SHARING. Its officially every man for himself in this house. Next time you need some dinner, get it yourself! You can clean your own bathroom! AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING ONE OF MY BOOKS. MINE.

A few minutes later, probably to shut me up, Husband offered me the bag.

"Here, you can have the rest."

"Awwwwwww! That's so sweet, babe! I knew you would--- WHAT?! THREE SKITTLES! YOU LEFT ME THREE SKITTLES? Since when do we have a three Skittle marriage?! Is that all I MEAN to you?! THREE SKITTLES?"

Being married to me must truly be such a joy.

The next day, I had totally forgotten about the entire Skittle debacle until Husband came home with nearly an entire bag of Skittles.

"Here, babe. I brought you this so you wouldn't think we have a three Skittle marriage. You can have as many of my Skittles as you want."

And that is why I married him. He listens to me even when I'm loud and shrieky, and he lets me eat his candy.

reaction

"Babe, I wrote on the blog!"

"Oh yeah, what about?"

"You'll just have to read it and find out."

"Well, it can't be about me because I didn't do anything stupid........... did I?"

query

So, earlier tonight, we're Trashmagging, an activity wherein we go to the bookstore and sit for hours reading magazines for free (recession? huzzah!), and in one of my lady mags I come across one of those mind-boggling polls that is supposed to give me deep insight into the male psyche.

Magazines targeted to women are truly horrible.

Anyway, the poll, which claimed to survey 1000 men, asked said men to rate, in order of importance, the attributes they most desire in a wife. The results?

1. Financially saavy

Obviously, I stopped right there because the poll immediately lost all credibility. FINANCIALLY SAAVY? Seriously? Where did they find these men? I'm not thinking I know a single adult male who would, upon meeting, say, Heidi Klum, pause to consider, but what about her portfolio?

Amusingly, there is nothing in this poll about sex or physical appearance until the fifth most desired characteristic. The men in the survey rank intelligence (2), independence (3), and loyalty (4) higher than a willingness to "close your eyes and do your duty" on a regular basis (actual advice given to a friend of mine by her sweet grandmother... at her wedding in front of all her friends).

Everything Cosmo ever taught me about men has been a lie.

I lean across my huge pile of glossies to ask Husband, "if asked, what would you say is the characteristic you most desire in a wife?". I can tell from his freaked out expression that he fears a trap, like I've just asked him if these jeans make me look fat.

"This poll," I say, shoving the magazine under his face, "asked men what they most desire in a wife and they claim the number one answer was that she be financially saavy. FINANCIALLY SAAVY."

"Oh." I've never seen him look so relieved. "I guess its the times we're in. New set of priorities. If it weren't for this economy, number 5 would be number one."

Is this true, gentlemen? Are we suddenly living in some alternate universe where Suze Orman is a more desirable partner than Angelina Jolie? Are you looking for the woman who can bring home the bacon for the cheapest price?

A few minutes later, Husband started whimpering about wanting coffee, and would I please get him some?

"Oh no, dear. In this economy, we have to watch our pennies."

"Hmm."

"But how desirable am I right now?!"