dollar night

On Thursday, Penny and I went to the opening night of the State Fair. We chose that night because admission was only $1. We had no idea how easily we would get our dollar's worth.

Within the first five minutes, we heard a drunk man singing "Honkey-Tonk Badonkadonk" [how do you spell that, anyway?] at the karoake tent. For the uninformed, I believe this little ditty refers to a country gal with a generous helping of junk in the trunk. If we had any doubts about the song's meaning, they were laid to rest by said drunken man's dance, which consisted solely of shaking his own trunk all over the stage to the point of stumbling. While we were partaking in this little delight, a creepy-looking guy walked up and handed us business cards offering private massages. All together now, EWWWWWWWWWWW.

Next, we got our cuteness fix in two ways: PIG RACING and FRISBEE-CATCHING DOGS. The pig races were the cutest thing I have ever seen. They even had a little baby pot-bellied pig who swam in this little trough. Apparently, these people travel all over the country with their pigs IN THEIR TRAILER WITH THEM. sounds a bit messy to me. The frisbee-catching dogs were equally cute, and freakishly skilled. They were jumping all over their trainer and flinging themselves across the room to catch the frisbees. The best part is that they were all shelter dogs. It was quite heart-warming.

Moving on from the cuteness, as we were making our food rounds we found ourselves back in the karaoke tent just in time to see a 300 pound man RAP "Genie in a Bottle." His rap was complete with "I'm a fat man in a bottle, gotta rub me the right way" and a visual presentation of such an action. I thought Penny was going to choke on her apple dumpling.

So far, its totally been worth the dollar, right?

The most amazing part of the night occured just as we were about to leave. In fact, WE ALMOST MISSED IT because we almost left before this happened. Somehow, in the middle of the most conservative state in the most conservative region of this country, THE VILLAGE PEOPLE were in concert. We experienced six aging gay men in full costume [all characters were accounted for] doing hip thrusts all over the Toyota stage. We were doubtful about the validity of these Village People, but a drunk, homeless woman reassured Penny that these were, indeed, the real Village People. She has their record from '72 with all their pictures. She GREW UP with the Village People and those are totally the real Village People.

We knew it was time to leave the fair when we realized that the Indian of the Village People was wearing chaps with nothing under them and a strategically-placed fringe was all that stood between us and a view we did not bargain for. We didn't want to have to ask for our dollar back.