the rules

We've been working hard in our house to teach Husband the rules of Taking Care of Others Before Yourself. As I was growing up, we were never allowed to do anything for ourselves without asking if everyone else in the room would like the same thing. For example, if I wanted a chocolate bar from the pantry, I would have to first ask, "Brother Robby, Little Scotty, would either of you like a chocolate bar?" [to which the answer was always yes] and THEN I could proceed to procure myself some chocolate. This rule mostly applied to food and beverage. When making oneself a drink, one should ask if anyone else in the house would like a drink. When taking one's plate from the table to the sink, all other plates must be given the opportunity to join.

Here was another example of rules that Husband didn't QUITE understand when we got married. I'd ask him if I could make him a sandwich and he'd say no. NO? REALLY? No one ever says no to a sandwich. But then, seconds later, Husband would get up to make himself and drink and HE WOULDN'T ASK ME IF I WANTED ONE!? This seriously blew my mind. I think I assumed that Taking Care of Others Before Yourself was in that mystical parenting handbook that they send you home from the hospital with. I thought everyone knew the rules.

When Husband would point out to me that I already had a drink, so why did he need to offer to make me one?, I realized that it was a simple case of misunderstanding. TCoOBY has NOTHING to do with what one already has-- its the GESTURE that counts. Its acknowledging that you would be willing to take care of it if the need arose.

[Seriously, aren't you glad you are not married to me?]

So this afternoon, we had a small discussion on the rules of this particular game. It started when Husband thought he caught me disregarding the system by clearing my own plate and not asking for his [in my defense, he was still eating when I stood up].

"You cleared your plate and didn't ask if you could take mine."

"Well, you made yourself a drink and didn't ask me if I wanted one!" [Mature, I know. I never said I understand important things like communication.]

"A plate of food has greater value than a cup of soda."

"No, it doesn't. Offering someone a beverage has more weight than clearing someone's plate after they've already eaten."

"Not true."

"Babe, you don't know the rules. I'm teaching you the rules."

"I AM the rules."